BE LIKE JESUS
How Jesus Forgave: From the Cross to Your Life
He asked forgiveness for His executioners while they were still nailing Him to the cross. That is not a metaphor. That is a model.
The most demanding application of love your neighbor
Jesus gave two commands: love God, love your neighbor. Loving God when things are going well is not the hard part. Loving your neighbor when your neighbor has hurt you — when they have betrayed you, humiliated you, lied about you, or caused genuine damage to your life — that is where the rubber meets the road.
Forgiveness is where the second commandment is most costly. It is where most people stop. It is also, Jesus insists, non-negotiable. Not because God is unmoved by injustice — the cross is proof He is not — but because unforgiveness does more damage to the person who holds it than to the person it is held against.
Jesus didn't just teach forgiveness. He practiced it at the most extreme possible moment, and He left enough specific examples in Scripture — the woman caught in adultery, Peter after the denial, the thief on the cross, His own executioners — that the pattern is unmistakable. What He did, He expects us to do. Not because it is easy. Because love requires it, and He has shown that it is possible.
"Father, forgive them" — from the cross
The first recorded words of Jesus from the cross — before "I thirst," before "It is finished," before "Into thy hands I commend my spirit" — are these: "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)
Consider the specific people He was forgiving. The Roman soldiers who drove the nails. The crowd who, six days earlier, had shouted "Hosanna" and now shouted "Crucify him." The religious leaders who had arranged His arrest, purchased His betrayal, pressured Pilate, and were standing there watching with satisfaction. His own disciples who had fled. He forgave them all, in a single statement, while the event was still happening.
He did not wait until the pain stopped. He did not wait until they asked for forgiveness. He did not require their remorse as a precondition. He asked His Father to forgive them in the present tense, at the moment of maximum pain, extending grace to people who had not yet repented and in some cases never would.
"The first recorded words from the cross are not about His own suffering. They are intercession for the people causing it."
This is what love your neighbor looks like at the limit. It does not mean the harm was not real. It does not mean crucifixion was acceptable. It means that His love for people was deeper than His response to their worst actions. That is the target He sets for us — and the power to reach it comes from the same Spirit that sustained Him through it.
Forgiving Peter — reinstatement after betrayal
Peter had sworn he would die with Jesus before he would deny Him (Matthew 26:35). That same night, he denied knowing Jesus three times — to a servant girl, to bystanders, and to a man who recognized his accent. After the third denial, a rooster crowed. Luke 22:61 says: "And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord." He went out and wept bitterly.
After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to the disciples by the Sea of Galilee. He made them breakfast on the shore. And then He asked Peter three questions — one for each denial: "Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these?" Three times the question. Three times Peter's answer. Three times Jesus's commission: "Feed my lambs. Feed my sheep. Feed my sheep."
Jesus did not bring up the denial. He did not make Peter recite it. He did not extract a lengthy apology. He simply reinstated Peter — three affirmations for three denials, restoring his commission as a shepherd of the church He was about to entrust to him. The specific symmetry is deliberate: Jesus designed the restoration to match the shape of the wound.
This is the model for forgiveness in ongoing relationship. Not erasure. Not pretending the betrayal never happened. But a specific, deliberate act of restoration that speaks to the exact dimension of the hurt and says: you are still here, you are still mine, go and do what I called you to do. See the full Peter character study for the complete arc of his story.
The prodigal son — what God's forgiveness looks like
The parable of the prodigal son is the most complete picture of forgiveness in the Gospels. A son demands his inheritance early — which is essentially wishing his father dead — takes it, leaves, wastes everything, ends up feeding pigs and wanting to eat what they eat. He decides to return and ask to be taken on as a hired servant, not as a son. He has forfeited the right to son status. He knows it.
"And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him." (Luke 15:20)
Three details worth noticing. First: the father was watching, which means he had been looking for his son to return. Second: he ran — undignified for an older man in that culture, but he ran. Third: before the son could complete his prepared speech, the father called for the robe, the ring, the feast. The reinstatement was immediate and total.
This is Jesus's answer to the question "what does God's forgiveness actually look like?" It looks like a father who runs. Who does not wait for the apology to be fully delivered before embracing. Who throws a party. The older son's complaint — "I've been here all along and you never threw a party for me" — is addressed not with rebuke but with gentleness: "Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine." The father's love is inexhaustible. There is enough for both sons.
If this is how God forgives us, it defines how we are to forgive others.
The Book of Mormon on forgiveness
Alma the Younger spent years persecuting the church — not just disagreeing with it but actively working to destroy it. He was struck down by an angel and fell unconscious for three days. When he woke, he described the experience: "I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins. Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell." (Alma 36:12-13)
Then: "And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness." (Alma 36:17-18)
The torment stopped. Joy came. "I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more." (36:19) Alma describes forgiveness not as an administrative transaction but as a physical and emotional transformation — the specific, felt reversal of guilt and pain through encounter with Christ. This is what the Atonement produces. Not just legal forgiveness. Felt freedom.
In the Sermon at the Temple, the Nephite equivalent of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught: "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you." (3 Nephi 12:44) This is identical to Matthew 5:44. Jesus repeated this teaching in the New World because it is central, not peripheral. It is the hardest application of the second commandment and therefore the most important one to understand.
The Lord instructs Alma on handling sin in the church: "Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me." Then: "And ye shall also forgive one another your trespasses; for verily I say unto you, he that forgiveth not his neighbor's trespasses when he says that he repents, the same hath brought himself under condemnation." The pattern is clear: God's forgiveness of us is the model for our forgiveness of others. Unlimited, conditional on repentance, but offered as often as repentance is offered.
The Phone Call He Almost Didn't Make
A man in his late forties had not spoken to his brother in four years. The dispute was over their mother's estate — not a large amount of money, but enough to expose old resentments that had been building for decades. He had rehearsed the argument so many times in his head that he could anticipate every counterpoint. He had won the argument hundreds of times in his imagination. He had never felt any better after winning it.
He was not looking for a dramatic reconciliation. He was not even sure he wanted one. What he decided, after a long time sitting with it, was that he wanted to stop rehearsing the argument. Just that. He wrote his brother's name on a piece of paper and under it wrote: "I am willing to begin." He prayed about it once that night and once the next morning, not asking God to fix his brother but asking for something to shift in himself.
The first phone call, three weeks later, lasted eleven minutes. It was awkward. There were long pauses. They did not resolve anything. His brother mentioned the money once; he let it go. When he hung up, he did not feel relieved. He felt tired, and a little hopeful, which was different from what he had expected.
The relief, he said later, came about six months in — not from any single conversation but from the slow disappearance of the internal rehearsal. Jesus told Peter to forgive seventy times seven. The count was not about the offense recurring 490 times. It was about how many times you have to renew the choice before it becomes real. He renewed it for months. Eventually it held.
The process of forgiving — what it actually involves
Forgiveness is not a single decision, though it begins with one. It is a process that often requires returning to the choice multiple times, especially for deep wounds. Here is what that process typically looks like.
Acknowledge what actually happened
Forgiveness is not pretending the offense was minor or that it didn't hurt. The woman caught in adultery heard "neither do I condemn thee" — but also "go, and sin no more." Jesus acknowledged the reality of the sin. Before you can forgive something, you have to be honest about what it was and what it cost you. Minimizing it does not produce forgiveness. It produces suppression, which resurfaces later.
Separate forgiveness from reconciliation
Forgiveness is something you do. Reconciliation requires two people. You can fully forgive someone who never apologizes, because forgiveness is a release — you are no longer holding the debt. Whether the relationship is restored depends on whether trust is rebuilt over time through changed behavior. Forgiveness does not require you to continue in a relationship that is unsafe or damaging. Jesus forgave Judas; He did not restore him to the inner circle.
Choose it before you feel it
Forgiveness is almost always a decision before it is a feeling. You will not wake up one morning naturally free of grievance. You make the choice — "I forgive this person, I release this debt" — often many times before the emotional reality catches up. This is normal and not an indication that the forgiveness is failing. The feeling follows the repeated choice. Peter asked how many times — seven? Jesus said seventy times seven. Not because the same offense recurs 490 times, but because the choice to forgive must be renewed.
Pray for the person you are forgiving
Matthew 5:44 — "pray for them which despitefully use you." This is the most counterintuitive instruction Jesus gives about forgiveness, and it is also the most practical. You cannot consistently pray for someone's actual wellbeing and simultaneously nurture contempt for them. The prayer changes you more than it changes them. Start with honest prayer — "I don't want to pray for this person, but I'm choosing to" — and watch what happens over time.
Receive forgiveness yourself
The parable of the unforgiving servant ends in condemnation for the servant who refused to forgive. The diagnosis was that he had not understood what had been done for him. The capacity to genuinely forgive others grows in direct proportion to your lived awareness of how much you have been forgiven. Regular, honest confession and the practice of receiving God's grace — not earning it, receiving it — deepens the well you draw from when someone wrongs you.
Try This Before Sunday
Write the name of one person you're holding something against. Don't call them yet. Just write their name, and then write: "I am willing to begin." Pray about them once each day this week — not asking God to fix them, but asking for something to shift in you. That's enough for now. Forgiveness often starts smaller than you think.
Track your daily practices in Covenant Path — set a reminder, journal what you notice, and watch your consistency build over time.
Questions about forgiveness
Does forgiveness mean you have to forget?
No. "Forgive and forget" is not a biblical phrase. The biblical model is more like what God says in Jeremiah 31:34 and Hebrews 8:12: "I will remember their sin no more." This is not amnesia — it is the choice not to bring the offense to bear in the ongoing relationship. God does not forget our sins the way He forgets a phone number; He chooses not to use them against us. Forgiveness means you stop holding the debt, not that you pretend the event never happened.
What if I can't forgive?
Start with honesty: "God, I don't have the capacity to forgive this person right now. I am willing to be willing. Please build that willingness in me." This is not a cop-out — it is the most realistic starting point for deep wounds. Ether 12:27 promises that God will make weak things become strong for those who come to Him humbly. Your inability to forgive is not a character flaw that disqualifies you — it is a weakness He can work with.
Does forgiving someone mean what they did was okay?
No. Forgiveness does not retroactively make the offense acceptable. The cross is proof that God takes sin seriously — He didn't overlook it, He absorbed it. When you forgive, you are not saying the harm was minor. You are releasing the debt — choosing not to hold it against the person, choosing not to let their worst action define how you relate to them. The moral reality of what happened does not change. Your grip on it does.
How did Jesus forgive Peter?
By reinstating him. Three times Peter denied Jesus; after the resurrection, Jesus asked him three times "Lovest thou me?" and three times commissioned him to "feed my sheep." Jesus did not lecture Peter about the denial. He matched the shape of the wound with the shape of the restoration — three affirmations for three denials. He gave Peter back his identity as a disciple and a leader. Full reinstatement, no conditions beyond Peter's own statement of love. See the Peter character study for the full story.
What does the Book of Mormon teach about forgiveness?
Alma 36 gives the most visceral account of receiving forgiveness — from torment to joy in a single moment of calling on Christ. 3 Nephi 12:44 repeats Christ's command to love and pray for enemies. Mosiah 26:31 shows God's own pattern: "as often as my people repent will I forgive them." The Book of Mormon consistently presents forgiveness as both something God offers without limit and something disciples must extend without limit to others.
Continue your study
Study forgiveness in Covenant Path
The capacity to forgive grows through daily encounter with how much you have been forgiven. Covenant Path gives you daily scripture reading plans, a personal prayer journal, habit tracking with streaks, and AI-guided study companions — so forgiveness becomes something you practice daily, not just a principle you know about.